we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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