wanna go halves on a baby?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All the doctor said was why
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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