ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
