I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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