Having a random hookup so left but love u
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
two words: eviction party
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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