Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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