Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
