You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
