Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
