How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
