i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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