i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
