Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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