Don't make out with my wife yet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
