I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
