You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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