I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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