This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
