it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
