Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
