dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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