3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
