i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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