No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
