i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
