New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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