I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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