Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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