You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
