I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
