i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
