i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
