even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize