i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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