I hate all girls vehemently.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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