the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
