I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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