You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
