I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
