what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
