yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
