That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
