This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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