remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i barfeds in our rink
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
