You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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