i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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