Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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