drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
