i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
