mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
