i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
