why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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