I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
