I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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