I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
