It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
