I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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