R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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