Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
