Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
