Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
