I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
