I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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