Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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