oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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