I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize