Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
