The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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