So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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