SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
