Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
