I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
