I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
50% drunk capacity currently
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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