I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
